Best AuPair Guide

10. You’re ready to establish close - very close, probably - ties with another family.

9. It’s time for a change of pace - and place.

8. You need a good reason to take a break from college, or something productive to do before or during a career change.

7. You’re bored with life in your home country.

6. You need to get as far away from your family as possible (ok, this was one of my reasons - it may or may not apply to most!)

5. You love foreign accents - and food, and culture….

4. You need a challenge.

3. You’re ready to experience ‘real’ life abroad, without fanny packs and tour guides.

2. You want to actually learn a foreign language - not just your high school teacher’s version of it.

1. It’s time to put that passport to good use.

It would be easy to fill pages and pages about life abroad. Of course, some places are easier to live in as a foreigner than others. Some things will seem “just like home,” while others will be as foreign as aliens from outer space. Today we’ll look at two examples of similarities and differences - Burger King and grocery shopping.

What do BK and supermarkets have to do with au pair work? Well, everything, really. In today’s world it’s easy to feel closer to your native land through simple things like fast food. It’s also easy to feel even more foreign when dealing with things that aren’t quite so much like at home.

Burger King was my refuge whenever homesickness would strike. All it took was one Whopper value meal, and I was happy to be in Europe again, despite whatever else was happening. For the most part, a meal at BK was just like that at home. For a set price (albeit a higher one), you get a drink, fries, and burger, and it tastes pretty close to the ‘real’ thing.  You can ‘have it your way’ with onion rings, but you’d only get five tiny, cold ones to an order. Drinks are also smaller and come with little (as in two or three cubes) or no ice, so if you’re from the South you might have trouble. The only other differences are that the employees, for the most part, tend to be more with it than those at home, and the place is usually cleaner. There is also a lack of free items we expect in the US - refills and condiments. That’s right - you pay per ketchup or mayo packet and only get one fill of your chosen beverage. Which isn’t so horrible - how much Coke do you really need with a meal? And ketchup - at least the packets are bigger than in the States.

While meals at certain chain restaurants are only slightly different from those at home, grocery shopping, as an example, is foreign enough to make you feel like you just landed on Mars. In Germany, shopping for food is not the quick and easy process it is in the States where most of the work is done for you. For starters, you have to park. Either you park on the street (difficult) or you maneuver your vehicle in the cramped parking garages, trying desperately not to hit another car (even more difficult), then search for the elevator that takes you to the store. You have then play the guessing game as to which floor gets you where you need to be.

The adventure continues when you try to get a shopping cart - these require coins that you get back once you dutifully replace the cart (Germans are all about duty). The carts tend to be a bit small and wobbly, which makes it difficult to move them around the store, although everyone but the au pairs seem to be used to them.

By the time you’ve managed to get everything you need, you face the checkout line, which can be especially painful. Waiting in line is bad enough, because personal space is a different concept in Europe than in the US, and you almost always will have someone breathing - quite literally - down your neck. Then you bag your own groceries while the checkout girl sits and stares at you. If you aren’t quick enough, you’ll pick up plenty of ugly looks from those in line behind you, and there is no waiting for you to finish and collect your goods. The next person in line will be ushered through, their items mixing with yours, until you’re on the brink of a panic attack. Then it’s back to the car with all your stuff, back to the cart line with the unruly cart, and home sweet home, if you don’t back into anyone leaving the parking deck. Wow - by that time you just about need a drink!

So yeah, while some things overseas can be relatively familiar and simple, others take a little more adapting. It took me the better part of the year to manage in the supermarkets, especially the shopping trips with a toddler and baby in tow - which is an entirely otherworldly experience altogether.

While the drawbacks might scare you away from au pair work, keep in mind that for every disadvantage are advantages. The greatest benefit to working as an au pair is that you really do get to experience a new country and culture in a way ordinary tourists can not. You see the ins and outs, the good and the bad, and all the nuances of another place and people. You’ll gain a hands-on education in dealing with other cultures and people, something you can’t learn any other way than living life emerged in an entirely new place.

In addition to these implied benefits, there are also concrete perks that come with the job. You are likely to end up meeting interesting people, seeing and doing things you wouldn’t otherwise have experienced. For example, my host family were helicopter enthusiasts - and pilots, both of them, which means we took more than one “heli” ride during my stay. While this became old news to me, a few years later on a visit, my husband was thrilled to get a tour of the Stuttgart region via helicopter, with is own personal pilot, my former employer.

My host family also loved to eat out and often dined in pricey places, and I was almost always invited to join them. Granted, usually that meant helping with children some, but getting to eat food that was no where near my price range was a pretty nice treat, and they enjoyed introducing me to their favorite places and foods. We also traveled frequently, and while we went to good places, I know au pairs who were able to spend weeks at a time in Italy or on the coast of France. Come on - even if you’re on the clock, how bad can it be when soaking up the Mediterranean sun?

So despite the hard work involved (if there is any hard work - some jobs are more like part-time babysitting), there are countless perks. If you find a family who treats you like one of their own, you will probably end up having a great time, seeing and doing things you wouldn’t otherwise get to.

Before you sign a contract to work for a family, there are a few things you need to think about. Depending on the family you find, you’ll be working for at least a number of weeks, probably closer to a year. Since this sort of work is different than most, due to living (in most cases) with the family, you need to think through your expectations, your level of stress tolerance, and flexiblity.

Living with your employer has its ups and downs. Some of the benefits are being able to get dressed and ready for work in all of five minutes if it suits you (showering is usually optional - do kids really care if you’re in tip-top condition?). You’ll also benefit from being with a family, avoiding some of the angst and loneliness you might otherwise experience. There will also be no need to worry about paying rent or other bills, since you’re living costs are covered by the host family.

There are drawbacks, however. Living where you work can get old. If your work schedule and duties are not clearly ironed out, you run the risk of feeling like you are constantly on the clock. And unless you’re deathly ill you also might feel obligated to keep working even when you’re sick (although decent families should give you time off). Another double-edged sword is the children’s attachment to you. Of course you want them to like you, but the more they like you the more they will want to be around you - and they don’t understand that you’re paid for a certain amount of time. Their attachment to you might not be so cute on a Saturday morning when you want to sleep in but hear tiny knocks on your door.

Basically, the drawbacks are all about boundaries and balance. If you have a tough time establishing boundaries with people, you will easily work too much and wear yourself out. But if you are able to create a reasonable routine, balancing work and play and time with your family, your chances of having a successful experience will be good.

The average au pair contract is for one year. If everything goes well and you love the family too much to leave, you will likely be able to stay longer. Of course, if you’ve had your fill of the au pair life and are ready to head out, once you’ve fulfilled your contract, you are free to go.

But what if you aren’t sure about a whole year and want to stay less? This is possible too, it might just be a bit more difficult. Families put a lot of time and money into hiring an au pair, and they usually want to get as much as possible out of their investment. That said, there are families out there who need au pairs for shorter periods of time. These arrangements are often in the summer when families on extended vacations need someone to look after the children. This works out well for college students or anyone else who wants go overseas for the summer or for winter break. It’s also perfect for people wanting to try out au pair work without the lengthy commitment.

Families are constantly looking for reliable childcare for various lengths of time, so remember that if the one year commitment is too much, there are other ways. It just may take a bit longer and a little more effort to find your custom-fit job, but the high demand for au pairs makes it likely that you’ll find what you’re looking for.

If you’re the rebellious, adventuresome sort who would rather do things her (or his…) own way, then you’ll likely opt for scouting out potential host families on your own. This was the route I took - and although it turned out ok, the added support of an agency would have been nice. Had my host family not turned out to be a good fit, I would have been completely on my own. The only thing I would have had going for me was the fact that I happened to have quite a few friends in Germany who probably would have helped had things fallen through. But - even if you do have contacts in your chosen country, don’t assume that they will be able to fix all your problems if things don’t work out with your family. You may end up in a bit of a bind, and having the security of an agency will benefit you greatly. Believe me, there are better ways to rebel than by risking your safety and sanity in a foreign country.

However, if you do insist on finding and negotiating with a host family yourself, there are a few things to remember. First, there are many online au pair sites where you can begin your search. You can register, usually for free, and look at the profiles of potential families from all over the world. When considering a family, make sure you establish contact with them - study their profiles carefully and ask detailed questions about what their expectations are for an au pair. Second, find out more about them personally. Many families consider themselves laid-back and fun, but if you dig deeply enough, it may become clear that their definitions of those qualities are nothing like yours. Make sure you’re on the same page. Finally, be sure to have an attorney read through and manage your contract with the family you choose. This could be a little tricky, considering it’s an international agreement, but consulting a legal expert in advance will save you time, money, and headache should things go wrong. And remember - most host families turn out fine and it’s likely that your experience will be good - but having a written agreement, especially without a professional agency’s involvement, will help protect you.

In the end, the decision to go with our without an agency is entirely up to you - but as confining as using professionals may seem, their help might just make your time better than it would have been had you done everything yourself. Au pair agencies help in all situations, not only the disastrous ones. Keep this in mind - and remember, that the goal is to maximize your time abroad, while minimizing headache and stress (taking care of children and dealing with a foreign country will be tough enough!).

Once you’ve made the decision to work as an au pair and narrowed down where you want to go (perhaps you’re even considering more than one place), it’s time to start the search for a host family. This can be tough, but really doesn’t have to be. There are many agencies out there who will help you find a family to work for, and the best part about it is, you don’t pay anything. Legitimate au pair agencies charge the family any agency fees. This makes it easy on you, since all you’ll have to do is tell them what you’re looking for, wait, and see what they come up with. It also doesn’t hurt to have more than one agency looking for you.

This website has a link to the International Au Pair Association, where you can find scores of trusted au pair agencies who have been tested by the industry standard. It’s a great place to start your search. Simply choose your country of interest to visit reputable agencies from that country. Of course, it is possible for decent agencies to exist who are not IAPA members, but you will have to be a little more cautious. Some agencies are fronts for not-so-wholesome enterprises, so you will want to be careful and make sure they have a legitimate track record of professionalism. Americans don’t have to worry about this as much as girls from other areas, but prudence is always wise.

In any case, as long as you find a couple of good agencies to start scoping out families for you, you will be well on your way to finding a great family to live with and work for.